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The Newies?
"I know Benjamin Franklin likes to have oral sex with a llama"-Bexter
"I think that's why gay guys reject me, cuz I don't have a cock"-ski
"I'm not a big fan of cunt, that's why I suck cock"-Whit
"I am Fluent in Fag honey"-Jeremy
"Oh it's just some straight guy (click)"-Trent
"That's the only thing that's unique about my family, is I have
what ate Gilbert Grape"-ski
"You know what Easter is all about, I mean other than God and
all? Easter is about Peeps and those little Reeses Peanut Butter Eggs."-Feather
"No, actually, Easter is about sex; hot, grimy, nasty, jungle
sex."-Kliph
"I think you could really use some fluffage."-costume lady to
Bexter
"A cow...why the hell did I get the cow? What are you trying
to say?"-Ski
"Yeah Ski, I don't think the 10 sneeze rule applies to burping."-Feather
"Yes it does feather! I just had a a McOrgasm. Yeah
that's right. More baby more. Super size it! Oh yes! I want the nuggets!....."- ski
"Yeah it does look like chocolate lubricant. That's
just what I was going to say."-bexter and ski
"I just hate Lorna Road! Oh were you trying to get over?
I'm sorry. I don't understand that blinking light on your car. What could it mean? Aughgghghgh f***ers."-feather
"I'd like Joaquin to give me some sweet Phoenix love."-ski
"Just feel inside. You can do it."- Jonathan
"Those aren't bowling shoes if you've worn them outside."-Bitch
at Riv. Bruns.
"Dating one of the Trio is like dating all of you at once."-Jeremy
(trio response...No!)
"Dude you guys scare me. I'm like afraid if I did date one
of you and we broke up, you'd all like attack me or some shit."-Gabe
"Geez feather. One mention of making out and you go off
the road."-Ski
"Oh god I'm becoming the people I hate."-Feather
"If Benji and Joel made twin porn I would so buy it."-Bexter
"OH Yeah.. me too."-Ski
"Yeah but you know you had fun. We took you to a porn store."
-ski
"Man, people keep putting their fingers into my hole. Shut
up you two."-ski
"I touched Julian's naked ass."-Bexter
"Dude I touched his penis. I can die happy."-Ski
"Wait so what is this about 3 hours....?"-Kliph and Sam
"Dude, you know she so played with the Legolai."-Feather and Ski
"Are you gonna make Lex and Aragorn make out?"-Ski and Bexter
"You were just waiting to say that weren't you . Ever since
Becky told you, you have waited with baited breath just to tell me. I'll bet you wrote it in your diary.
You know, the raccoon diary."-Feather
"I don't think that the Virgin Mary had a beard."-Bexter
"The flatulent hairs."-Sara
"He made me so happy I just wanted to hug him...then I remembered the raccoon and the hairs; and I couldn't."-Feather
"It isn't a frat, it's a fraternity. Would you call your country a cunt?"-Russell
"I have the mad stalker skills. That other girl, she just isn't as good. I mean she's so obvious. She just
doesn't know how to do it right."-Ski
"Fool! He touched my Harry Potter. That ain't cool. We don't touch Becky's stuff. I hate that
I have to work with him, he doesn't do anything!"-Bexter
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The oldies
"But, I'm not bitter."-Ski and "What the crap?" and "Damn Wench"
"Okay.Stop!"-Bexter (with pointing finger), "I knew a guy like that once.", and "I don't give a rat's ass."
"Whaaat?"-Crocodile Hunter
"Kdog. Go."-Kenny
"Here's my plan. I'm going to go to his work, sit on his desk, and wear a sign that says 'I'm Afghanistan. Invade
me."-Feather
"Don't adjust yourself on my tv."-Bexter's response to Alien Ant Farm's video.
"Yeah he can take me down to the Shire for some sweet hobbit love any time."-Ski revealing her feelings for Frodo.
"The sidewalk stops where the Mexicans stop."-Ski
"I'm not half not ditzy."-Amanda defending her IQ.
"I'se jus' in my backyard 'n they wuz like yo'nt to. And I'se like damn i'ont know. Then they wuz this skwerl."-Jimmy
"Okay they should get together and not breed."-Bexter
"Owww. My spleen. Can't stop lauging. Oh my prostate."-Ski after lauging really hard.
"Umm Ski..."-Feather "..you don't have a prostate."-Bexter
"Hey if I give you a dollar, can I ride you instead. No? Well then will you at least strap me in? Please."-Ski to
the Carousel operator.
"Okay, bye sweety. I love you." *fake kisses...hangs up phone, turns to Feather and Ski."If either of
you says anything I will kick your ass."-Bexter
"Do not Nads my rug."-Stacie
"Well if you smelt it before they prehotdogged it, then you wouldn't eat it
either."-Ski after making hot dogs at school
"I'm gonna go upstairs and play with billy now to see if he works.
I've got him in my purse. If he doesn't work I'm gonna be so sad."-bexter
"How did you get a date to prom?"-ski to stephen
"I don't sweet talk my boyfriend."-Feather
"I don't know why he doesn't want a piece of this pie. I mean i'm nice,
i can be funny, and damn it, I look good in a prom dress."-ski
"No, that's not like puppy cute. That's oh yeah i want to spank it cute"-bexter
"Hey ski I had sex with a goat... no wait don't tell anyone"-stephen
"You are so greedy Feather. You can't have Hugh Jackman and Jude Law and Lex
Luthor. You have to share what's in the box"-Bexter
"Kenny, he's such a staple"-ski
"So if I worked at Hooter's would I be a hooter?"-kenny
"You might not want to touch that. There is something on it. (What?) It could be semen"-Amanda
"Oh that chef jacket might have some fluid on it too."-Amanda
"Speak Viagra and enter"-Feather
"Usually I don't brag, but 3 hours"-Bexter
"Elijah Wood, when I drool on you, it's love."-ski
"Hey look a cop (honk honk)"-bexter honking a bike horn at a police officer
"It's the mating ritual"-Bexter and Ski
"I'm so jealous, everybody is paying attention to Emily because she has a tumor. I wish I had a tumor"-Nicole
"Sissy, me and the girls are having a party"-ski's brother (age 6)
"Oh, that is so CGI."-Bexter
"That is so Tobey."-Ski
"Okay your dad doesn't ride a bike. So quit your bitching."-Bexter
"Oh this is so going on the quotes page."-All
"I thought you wuz some crazy mother fucker beaten on her child" -McDonald's drive through lady
"Christy get the BIG knife... Jonney has his hand and Jonney has his bride"-Nicolas
Cage wigging out in Moonstruck
"it's Snakey, Feather. Owweee. Bexter! Feather smacked me....
again"-ski
"Bexter's being held in by Gandalf ooooohhhh"-Feather and Ski
"I met this guy and we were naughty sex-wise"-Amanda
"Andy, We're on 280 right now, and we're having a girl emergancy. Can we come to your house? Please."-Feather
"I promise, Ski, you are #1 on the waiting list for prom"-Paul
"Don't drool on me during Frodo time"-Willam
"Bri-eena and Wilkey will have a goat child that Stephen will violate."-Bexter and Ski
"I will not have sex with Brian in a Batman suit"-Feather
"Well, Brian would make the suit look like Batman let himself go."-Kenny
"Yeah I bet he has a bigger "staff""-ski
"Oh you like it now do you? But, it's wicked fast and damn near impossible to catch."-Mr.Biggerstaff
"Dude that bites Monkeys"-ski
"Do you think it'll make my balls drop? Oh God fucking shit! My balls
are burning"-Mr. Biggerstaff in The Winter Guest
FUCK.....(long pause) what does it mean?"-Feather and Ski's question to their
English teacher (sources say it's Fornication Under Command of the King).
"I want Jude Law in a box."-Feather
"Sting is hot, but he's no Bono."-Ski and Bexter
"What would you do if you and Tiny Tim were the only two people left on Earth?
Would you re-populate?"-Ski
"Hell no. I'd beat him over the head with his Ukelele and then beat myself over the head with it."-Bexter
"I'd take the ukelele strings and strangle him."-Feather
"Can Thomas come out an' play with me? You wanna go blow up a squirrel? Or go
throw rocks at a jogger?"-Jeremy
"I'll beat your fuckin' ass mother fucker!"-10 year old Kid at Comicbook Shop
"Oh my! It's like we invaded 'Hunkistan'"-Ski
"Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake deserve each other. They're both
nasty!"-Bexter's Mom
"I'm sorry you're bald and wearing a sweater."-British Guy
"OOOOO! Look at that sweet stuff! Deodorant, that's what I'm talkin' about!"-5
year old at Wal-Mart
"If you get the Saruman trading card, Feather can't have it. Christopher
Lee is my bitch."-William
"Men are like busses: if you miss out on one, another one will come along in
about 15 minutes."-Star Jones
"Is Ski going to come and make fun of me this Monday? I missed her last
week."-Stephen
"He's pretty. He's a pretty man, and I just hit him in the face with a caterpillar's
ass."-Bexter
"Squeeze Legolas' legs together and repeat for daggar slashing action!"-instructions
on a Legolas action figure
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